Self-Reflection: The Key To Self-Growth

So, how’s it working out for you?  I can’t even tell you how many times my brother-in-law would ask me this question to start out a conversation. I found myself thinking about it long after the dialogue had ended.  It’s a simple, yet deep question that we should often ask ourselves, and others, to really gage our current mental state. Whether focusing on a particular situation or your life, as a whole, reflection is key to self-love and self-growth. Think about it for a minute. What if we went through life without questioning our feelings, actions, wants or needs. Would we truly be living out or best life or just simply alive?  

My personal reflection 

I can remember talking with my sister and brother-in-law not sure what I should do about my marriage. I had so many questions floating around my head, but the most crucial was, “Should I leave?” I knew if I left my marriage it was going to get ugly. It would probably be the toughest situation I have ever lived through, but I also knew that if I stayed I would remain in a dysfunctional family unit that served no one.

For a while, I made excuses to justify my reasons for staying in an unhealthy marriage. I would stay for the kids. I would stay based on tradition. I would stay because divorce would get nasty. I would stay because I was afraid to go. Through all of the excuses that I made for myself, and outwardly to others, the notion to leave was always in the back of my mind. I replayed the phrase I had heard countless times before, ‘How is it working out for you?” 

The nagging feeling down deep kept telling me it wasn’t working out. At times I wanted to answer that question loudly with, “IT’S NOT!” My mind knew far before I was brave enough to take the leap. I questioned myself constantly. What would my family think? Women don’t initiate divorce, do they? How will this affect my children? With the threats of my husband in my ear and knowing the truth in my heart, I knew that I had to make the right decision and put myself first. 

Leaving was the right choice. Walking away from something that no longer serves you is strength. Moving on from an abusive relationship is winning. Choosing yourself in tough situations is empowerment.

I knew my life was not working out for me. My kids, as they grew, lacked the respect and love for me that a mom should receive. I was becoming more of a burden than an asset to my ex-husband.  After all, it wasn’t love that got us together, nor was it going to see us through. I accepted the fact that our marriage was dysfunctional from the beginning and wasn’t going to miraculously change. It wasn’t working out for me so I made the changes necessary to put me first. 

Questions to ask yourself during self-reflection

Aside from just contemplating how things are working out there are other questions you can reflect upon to delve deeper into understanding your thoughts and emotions. The next time you are struggling to understand a certain situation, or season, in your life consider these questions as well.

  1. Are you happy where you are right now? 
  2. Are the decisions you made getting you what you want? 
  3. Are you content in this season of your life?
  4. Are you surrounding yourself with people who support your growth?
  5. Are the relationships you are a part of healthy?
  6. Would you be happy staying in this situation now? A month from now? A year from now?
  7. Are your needs being met?
  8. Are you respecting yourself with the choices you are making?
  9. Are you putting yourself first?
  10.  Do you feel safe and secure?

If you answered no to any of these questions, it’s time to act. Change initiated by self-love always turns out positively for your life. Choosing you is the most important part of any situation you are faced with. Your happiness matters. Your peace of mind matters. Your emotions matter. Your security matters. Your life matters. 

If you are struggling to understand a current life situation or know how you feel, but are unsure how to take action, I am here to help! The future you dream of can be at your fingertips if you open your heart and put yourself first. Let’s chat today to get you on the right path of self-reflection. 


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