Who am I and Why do I do What I do?
Who am I? I am Heidi. A Life Coach that has learned to empower herself, hold my boundaries where I can say “no” and “yes” with ease, I call out the “elephant in the room” and I jump! No matter how fearful I may be. I’m living a life full of gratitude, I know where I’m going and I’m creating a life of abundance in financial, happiness and loving relationships. But I spent a lot of unnecessary time, depleted my energy, financial burden and heartache to get to where I am now–
In 2012, I have 6 children. It was another morning of pure exhaustion and everything else that comes from a controlled, abusive relationship. I was watching a situation between my son and daughter where my son was beginning to show the same negative attributes as my husband.
At the time, I was living in a cult-like abusive environment. I lived in the woods and was controlled by my husband. We looked like the perfect family—wonderful husband, doting mother of 6 children, beautiful house and the list goes on. But things are not always what they appear to be. Very bad things happen behind closed doors. I was a victim of abuse in all the categories—financial, emotional, mental, sexual, physical, verbal, etc. Although I had six children, I had little contact with anyone, was very isolated, and had several miscarriages. Growing up, I was raised with old-world beliefs where “you do as you are told, don’t ask questions”. I was to be a good wife who listened and obeyed her husband. It was a “perfect storm” for my husband who could easily manipulate and control me. I was easily taken advantage of because I allowed someone else to take my power. I was exhausted, spent, hopeless and living in pure fear.
The day I had my epiphany had been triggered to an earlier memory—it was morning and I had very little sleep with a newborn in my arms. The other kids were making more noise than usual which woke my husband up and he came out yelling. I looked up at him and began to yell back. My husband grabbed a bottle of wine and threw it at me with strong intentions to shut me up. (Not the first or last time for him to overpower any attempt to empower myself). I turned to shield my baby and heard a loud pop. When I looked up, I saw wine and shards of glass everywhere. At that moment, I wanted to take my children and leave. “If you ever try to leave, I will make your life a living nightmare,” he said, “I’ll take the children, money and make you pay”. (Not in those nice words, but you get the message). I was threatened then and repeatedly afterwards. I was too scared, exhausted and feeling completely defeated.
Both my children and I were in an environment that was toxic and highly dysfunctional and I needed to make a change for both them and myself. It was time for me to make a change, I just didn’t know how. With the help of my “Earth Angel” and a local domestic violence agency (Laurel House), I was able to get out. Little did I know how many people knew there was something terribly wrong going on. Once I started to open up, they were all willing to help. It took over a year to make the escape, as my husband kept to his word and made things VERY difficult for me. The transition was painful as some of my older kids stayed behind and I became “shunned”. To this day, they still refuse to talk with me.
During my divorce, I suffered from PTSD and SAD. It was rough. I was having “trauma triggers” left and right. MY self-esteem was non-existent. My older children had shunned me, I was living in fear of my husband and the list goes on. I was living in shame, loneliness, and depression. I started going to a support group, read all the self-help books you can think of, began affirmations, meditation and yoga. All were helpful in helping me regain my inner strength and to be able to move forward with my life of peace, happiness and confidence.
It took me a great deal of time, heartache and many wrong decisions. Ultimately, I found my freedom and regained my soul. During my struggles, I often wished I had someone to help guide me along the way, take my hand and tell me what to do or at least show me what to do next. I had to develop my own system to recovering and empowering myself to regain my confidence, make my own decisions and get to where I wanted to go(al).
I had been through an abusive marriage and then a terrible car accident. In 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy and was informed I would need further medical attention. Through my journey and having created “Masterpiece in Progress”, I was able to create my steps and action plan as to how I was going to get through my challenge.